by: Hannah Rogers

The Lord blessed me with the opportunity to spend a month volunteering at Real Hope this summer. Never before has He blessed me so richly. Words aren’t sufficient to describe my experiences, yet I know that I am changed. After my parents returned from a short term mission trip to Haiti last summer, my mom introduced me to a song by Sara Groves called “I Saw What I Saw.” The chorus of the song says:

“I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it

I heard what I heard and I can’t go back

I know what I know and I can’t deny it.”

I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it…

I saw joy. Haitians are the most joyful people I have ever met. Their smiles are incredibly contagious. Despite their physical circumstances, they have a spirit that exudes joy. I can’t forget this because in my world here it takes so much for a person to show joy. Everything in their life has to be going well. When I find myself feeling unhappy, I think back to the joy I saw in these beautiful people. Though they don’t know it, they all taught me that true joy is present despite circumstance because Jesus is our true source of joy. What do I have to be unhappy about when my Savior has conquered all?

I saw death. Experiencing the death of so many while I was in Haiti was certainly the most difficult thing I went through. Each time someone died, especially those babies that were living with us in the volunteer house, I become emotionally and physically exhausted. I cannot forget that though death happens here, each of those sweet babies is dancing with Jesus now. They were made perfect in death: no hunger, no pain, no tears now that they are in heaven.

I saw life. Being able to witness the birth of two babies during my month in Haiti was the biggest blessing in the world. Both births happened on days when at least one child died and we were all in need of such a wonderful thing as seeing the birth of a baby. Jesula’s birth was the most emotionally exhausting yet exhilarating thing I’ve ever experienced. What a gift it was to be able to see life.

I saw God. In Haiti, God’s nature seemed to pervade absolutely everything. Everything we did each day seemed to be surrounded by God. I felt Him constantly. Oh how I wish life here was that transparent. I so badly want to be back in Haiti where I saw God in every child. Where I saw Him in the smiles of patients in the cholera house. Where I saw Him in the beauty of His creation around Cazale.

I heard what I heard and I can’t go back…

I heard prayer. Before I went to Haiti I think I had some notion that prayers needed to be elaborate. I learned in church that in prayer you should follow the acrostic ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication). Maybe the truest prayer I have ever heard and said was during the birth of Jesula as every one of us in that room was simply praying “Jesus.” It now seems obvious that the name of the one who is our all in all, our everything is the prayer that encompasses our every feeling and thought of the moment.

I heard pain. Hearing the cries of Thalie’s mother after she died was the hardest thing to hear. Hearing the whimpers and cries of Marilice and other very sick children makes you want to jump up and fix them; heal them but in the end all you can do is comfort them.

I know what I know and I can’t deny it…

Now, it is difficult for me to remember what it was like before I knew all this about Haiti. What kind of ignorant bliss was I living in? What was it like before I knew what suffering looked like? It is incredibly difficult to be here in school knowing all of this. There are some days when it is easier to push it all under the rug; to not accept the reality of suffering and to pretend like everything is alright in the world. And then there are days when I have to sit alone and allow my memories and emotions of that month flood into my mind and body. People have asked me if my time there seems like a dream now that I am back. Though while I was there “surreal” was the best word to describe my experiences, I often feel that my world in Haiti is reality and this world of college, exams, grad school and friends is some sort of dream-world.

I saw what I saw, I heard what I heard, I know what I know…

…and I will never be the same.

Continue to pray for the work of Real Hope. Pray for Zach, Lori and Licia as they stand on the frontlines every single day. They have submitted their entire lives to the work of the Lord in Haiti and it was an incredibly blessing to serve with them and learn from them.